How To Survive The Men’s College Basketball National Championship Game

Tomorrow marks the culmination of the men’s college basketball season. Yep, after the nets are cut down and One Shining Moment is played on CBS, the season will be officially over. Standing in your way of freedom from college basketball? The National Championship Game.

Tomorrow’s game will see two teams that people didn’t really expect to get to the finale. The University of Connecticut, a 7-seed in their region of the bracket, and the University of Kentucky, an 8-seed and a team with a starting roster that is all-freshmen. UConn took down tournament favorites like Florida and Michigan State en route to the final game, while Kentucky won nail-biting games over big guns like Wichita State and Wisconsin. Needless to say, it was a very interesting, and entertaining, way to the Championship game for these two teams.

So if you’re reading this you are either a.) finding yourself, whether it’s by choice or not, watching the game or b.) you just really like the writing. Or maybe you choose option c. all of the above (wink wink). Now, there’s no doubt that this game will be entertaining, but that doesn’t mean you actually want to watch it. But you told your guy you’d watch with him, whether it’s out at a bar, one of his buddies places, or your humble abode, so now we just have to get you prepared to get through it. Here we go.

Ok so, you’re going to a bar. This could turn out to be the most favorable situation for you. It could also turn out to be the least. You’ve got plenty of things to do at a bar. Whether it’s actually watch the game, eat a bunch of chicken wings, or make some new friends, there’s a lot going on, and a lot of ways you can distract yourself from the fact that you went there to catch a game. On the same note, there is a lot going on, this could literally be your worst nightmare. If all of it is just too much to handle, take a few deep breaths, squeeze your guy’s hand a few times, and resort to option a, if you can. If not, at least get some chicken wings. They make everything better. And above all else, don’t make it obvious that you are downright bored. Our faces tend to say a lot more than we want them to sometimes.

If you’re at one of your guy’s friends places. So you’re still somewhere watching the game, but on the plus side, there’s a good chance these floors aren’t sticky. And even more so, you’ll probably be able to hear yourself think, at least most of the time. This is a much better environment to suffer in but at the same time, don’t alienate yourself, because there is far less to do than if you were at a bar. You’re awesome, so go on and mingle. As long as you don’t walk in front of the t.v., you’ll be a-okay.

If you’re at your place/your guy’s place/your co-living space – Well, at least there is a little more privacy. Unless there are other people over that is. If you are bored out of your mind and there are other people there, you are going to have a much harder time playing it off like you are enjoying yourself, or in the very least, that you semi-want to be there. House parties, no matter how big or small, can be a a pain to take on a Monday night. (Why they don’t play this game on a weekend night, I couldn’t tell you.) The good news is though, that you won’t have to go home when the game is over.  If that is the only thing that can get you through the game, milk it. Because I mean c’mon, at that hour, no one wants to have to be going anywhere. If it’s just and your guy, don’t run and stay in the other room to try and escape the game. For one thing, you’ll still be able to hear your guy yelling, and possibly the t.v. commentary underneath that. Put your pjs on, bust out your book or your nail kit, and go to town, right there on the couch. Be careful not to spill your nail polish if your guy startles you and don’t be completely absent from the game. At the very least, pay attention to your guy’s yelling, you may have to put your polishing on hold and prepare yourself for a seeping mess that’s about to have his head in your lap.

Now if your guy’s team is playing in the game, there is probably going to be a lot more high-fiving, 3-point made shot celebratory shots, and yelling at the t.v. If they win, expect the celebration to get bigger. If they  lose, well prepare for some very solemn adult men, who may or may not then drown their sorrows in more alcohol.

And if all else fails, know that now that whole bracket mania that swept your guy up is officially over. Congratulations, you made it.

Court

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